I am veerry sleepy today, having woken up before 3:00 am this morning. I lay in bed for an hour, poking P. and asking him to roll over because he was having trouble breathing (sorry!) and then got up and read. Am very stressed over several things, as listed below, and if I wake during the night I tend to immediately start worrying about everything. I have terrible insomnia – I can fall asleep just fine, but staying asleep is tough. I’m famous for waking at 2:30 am – that seems to be my time. :(

Things that I am currently stressed about:

1. The usual, meaning the job, my commute, etc., all tied in with our crappy finances.

2. Selling Kip – should I or shouldn’t I? I know I’ll regret it…but he really, really needs to be just hacked for six months or a year until he’s more mature and everything’s not such a struggle for him. Do I want to wait that long until I can actually start improving my riding? No.

3. My trainer. Up until now she’s been great, but I had a phone conversation with her yesterday about not forcing Kip to canter in the arena for a while, due to how difficult he finds it and the bucking whenever asked to canter. (He’s going to eventually get someone off, probably me, connect it with a way to get out of work and then he’ll buck for England. Not good.) So, we had this conversation, and then he was cantered that same morning, and I heard (NOT from her) that she plans to have me share my Thursday lesson with another horse so that we can “rev him up” by cantering them together. Good grief – he bucks when he’s cantered alone, calmly and supportively – what will he do when cannoning around an enclosed space with a mare who kicks at other horses? Plus, even when you can get him into canter, he’s not steerable and dives into the wall or the centre of the arena – NOT a time you want another horse in the way. I’m really pissed off.

I’ve started a lot of babies, and *knock on wood* I haven’t had a single one offer to buck. The fact that he’s doing it now is a sign that something is wrong. He’s MY damn horse, and if I say that I don’t want to do something with him, then I damn well want to be listened to.

Ok, rant over. :(

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