I write about a lot of personal things in my journal, and none of it is friends-only. So everyone can entertain themselves, or not, with my personal life and Phil and I sniping back and forth at each other. Sorry, that’s what people do when they’re angry at each other. Don’t read it if it bothers you. The point is, this is real life, warts and tears and pissy moods and all.
I don’t want to start another fight with you, Phil…no more “I’ll write in my journal that you’re an asshole because you wrote something in yours that hurt my feelings.” Yes, I’ll write about what I’m feeling…but this is my place to do it. I have work acquaintances here in the UK, not close best-friends and family like the ones I left behind, and this is my way of being my own support group.
I really do want to get through this nicely, being the perfect, forgiving, above-petty-emotions-like-jealousy-and-anger holy fucking saint…but it’s probably not going to happen. I seem to have lost my goddamn halo. I feel strongly about things, and when I do, the people around me know it. Sorry, but that’s the way it is.
I am trying to be good, really…you could meet me half-way by at least being nice. It’s like living with Data, for fuck’s sake. Sometimes I want to hurt you just so I can try to bring an emotion to the surface. We’re so different.
2 thoughts on “We are NOT going to do this again…”
Sorry to hear that things are not going so well for you at the moment. I hope that brighter moments are round the corner for you.
~ hugs ~ I know it is not the same as a real hug from a real life friend but I suppose it is nice to know that people care, I hate to see anyone hurting so I really do hope you find something to be happy about soon.