Want some cats? Free!

Let me tell you how I woke up this morning.

At 6:00 am I woke with a pounding headache to the sound of our 30-lb cat wheezing and purring behind my head. *wheeze/purr* *wheeze/purr* rather like an old alky with emphysema and fish breath might sound. I roll over, give him a quick pet, and encourage him back onto the floor.

He lands on Laurence, the cat who hates his guts, who has been waiting by the side of the bed. Because they’re all, you know, wasting away to nothing and need to be fed, stat. I begin to sit up.

Next thing I know, Fat Cat has been propelled at great speed, like a sack of potatoes hurled from a trebuchet, smack into my face, whipping my neck and head back. Do you know how much force a panicked cat the size and weight of a small child has when thrown into your face?

I still have the headache. Plus whiplash. And a few deep scratches and punctures. And now the cats are having a fight downstairs.

Anyone want a cat? Totally free. I may even pay you to take one home.

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