I used to have a line that I would use, half-seriously, half in jest, with new lovers: The only things off-limits are children, animals and things that leave permanent scars. Meant to be a provocative statement, yes…but also with a large element of truth.
Sex can be amazing, earthshaking…or it can be mundane and boring. It can be something that you just get through as quickly as possible, or it can be as creative as performance art. It can be ritual, and it can be roleplay…but it’s never the same every time. And I have broken the above rule once or twice, actually (the part about permanent scars).
I suppose this subject arose because I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships lately: what goes into making a solid one, what tears them apart, and how sex affects that. It’s easy to get into a rut, in the day-to-day longterm existence of 9-to-5 jobs and mortgage payments. With one exception, most of the very intense experiences I’ve had have been while in more transitional relationships. How do you sustain that during a relationship that spans years?
I know that relationships ebb and flow; at times the sex is incredible, and during others it was more of a physical release/emotional comfort. That is natural. Things like dominance/submission and other types of roleplay help. Opening the relationship to someone else can also bring new, intense feelings. (Although that can be a minefield – I think triad relationships, for most people, are very difficult to sustain. I’ve found coupledom to be difficult – add another person to the mix, and it becomes SO much more complex.)
How do people do it? I’d seriously like to know. Are there couples out there that have been together successfully for a long time…ten years? Let’s say at least five. Do you still get that roiling feeling inside when you think about them? Is it still intense?
I’d really like to know that those types of relationships exist.