Over the last few weeks, I’ve come to the very difficult realisation that perhaps Kip and I would be happier with different partners. I’m thinking the best thing to do would be to sell him, and find a more responsive horse. I love him, but there has to be something to offset the expense, time, effort, and heartache: fun, enjoyment, successful reaching of goals, whatever. I just know that if I am going home depressed and angry every night after riding him, he’s probably not feeling very good, either. He’s the nappiest horse that I’ve ever had to work with, and it’s driving me insane. He’s calm and sensible, yes, which is why I bought him; Cleveland Bays are famous for their good temperaments and sensible minds. They’re also (evidently) famous for being completely stubborn and pig-headed at times.

He’s being good, for the most part, in the arena now, but getting him out on the roads is impossible. I spent ages today in an argument about a five-minute hack on the road down to the pasture. I tried encouraging him with leg and taps from the whip. I tried two massive whacks with the crop, hoping for some reaction, if only a buck: nothing. I tried waiting him out, and he was happy to just stand there. He would, however, back up, and I tried backing him down the road. He would only back towards the pasture, and refused to turn and back in the direction I wanted him to go, which would at least have been some kind of victory. I even got off and led him a bit, just to get him moving, even though I knew damn well he wasn’t nappy because he was frightened. I hate to admit it, but I finally got off after backing through some trees and farm machinery, and just led him back. To hell with this. Life is too hard, and this is supposed to be the thing that makes it all worthwhile.

I just think that he’ll always be like this. Yes, we’ll work through the napping on the road, and he’ll find something else to nap over. He’ll always have a huge “NO” just waiting – it seems to be his response to most things. And I don’t want to deal with it.

Anyway, I’m depressed about this decision…but I don’t think I’ll change my mind.

3 thoughts on “Sad”

  1. Aeep.

    Yet …. I can see how you need a “YES” horse (or at least an “Okay, let’s!” horse… a “YES” horse like Ally is rather exhausting in his own way) for where you are right now. You need to enjoy riding at least most of the time. You are certainly busy too and bringing along a uniquely stubborn spirit like Kip takes patience in a way that I know I don’t always have after a long day at work.

    It can’t be easy… but good luck nonetheless. And I want to hear about you finding such a “yes” horse someday in the future!

  2. Thanks. It’s something that I’ve been agonising over for a long time; it would be wonderful to have a “yes!” horse again. I love him, but he’s driving me crazy right now. There’s so much that I want to do, and as a rider I have limited time within which I can still try to achieve anything…I don’t want to give up all my dreams just because I genuinely love him. It’s rather like staying in a bad relationship because you love someone, and missing out on what you could have. Or maybe I’m just rationalising it because I feel like a creep right now. Probably. :(

    Off to have a glass of wine…or several…and forget about it for tonight. :(

  3. Don’t feel badly for making such a decision, sweetie. You’ve put in alot more time and effort with him than others would have. I just hope you can sell him easily and find a ‘yes’ horse that you can fall in love with soon!

    *big hug*

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