My Dad finally passed away last night. I don’t know how to feel yet – the horrors of the last week make me feel glad that it is finally over for him, and I can’t get past that to deal with loss and grief. I suppose that will come after we’ve all had some time to process it, but at the moment I just feel anesthetized.
My father taught us how to ride, how to dress a deer, how to shoot, how to drive. He gave all of us a lifelong sense of honesty and an intolerance for lies. Although we never had much money, most weekends were spent with us kids: camping, hiking, hauling us to horse shows, etc. I’ll never be as strong as my father was (or as good a person). I wish I had a picture of his office, and all of the plaques and commendations that he has received for his work in the community. I hope that this wall of memorabilia won’t be dispersed amongst the family, but instead stays together with one person – taken together, it’s quite a testament to the man that he was.
I feel sorry for myself, as I miss him terribly. I feel gutted. He was the strong spine of our family, the one who bound us all together and helped us stand tall. I can’t imagine us all without him.