In the dream I am visiting the Queen of Shadows. It is night, of course, as it always is in her cold marble palace. We are trying on clothes.
Black upon black upon black, in every conceivable material and hue: velvet in the deepest black of space, starred with diamonds; silk in shimmering opalescent folds gleaming with peacock colors; black lace intricate as the fabric of uneasy dreams, convoluted and occult; midnight leather soft as touch, heavy with the souls of animals.
The Queen of Shadows tosses me a high-necked, long-sleeved gown, buttoned from throat to ankle with thousands of tiny buttons: a priest’s cassock, austere from the front, the back completely open down to shadowed cleft. She cannot wear it, as she has raven’s wings instead of arms; pinions rustle open and closed, longing to be able to touch, to hold.
I run my hands up her marble sides, inhaling the heavy myrrh fragrance of her blueblack hair and the stringent scent of feathers. I reach for a half-glimpsed swatch of color: a midnight-blue robe, seamless mosaic of every color of night from palest twilight to deepest 3:00 am despair to fragile predawn. I slide the fantastic robe over her shoulders, deep slits for wings, fanned collar edged with diamond constellations; the Queen of Shadows turns in a dizzying swirl of velvet and satin, mirrored and remirrored in the shifting shadows of her marble hall, wings stretching, fanning. I stand in the center of the maelstrom of streaming fabric and ebony hair and feathers, looking into her deep blue eyes as she closes wings like dream and nightmare around me.
I wake to my own tumbled bed; the Queen of Shadows longs to hold a lover, but she is made only for flight. I lay back beside my lover, who breathes peacefully in the darkness. I have arms, and am good at keeping, holding close…I would prefer wings.
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That’s old…written ages ago. I re-posted in a sad attempt to appear more literary, more profound. To avoid making another “tuna sandwich” entry. (“Not much happening today. Went out to lunch, and it rained. Someone is talking loudly in the staffroom, and I can’t concentrate, blablahblah…”) Go and read Sarah Hatter’s blog instead.
It’s a shame I never get to see this side of you…we’re always caught up in ‘what’s for dinner’, the price of cheese, SOCOM and how much work sucks…
If we could be freed from the mundane…could soar amongst the ethereal, shake off the hum-drum practicalities of existing, and breathe the air of the fantastic…
Wouldn’t it be wonderful…?
You should write, paint, draw…anything…to keep such a talented soul captive inside the mundane is criminal…
I envy and adore you…
Gorgeous imagery. I remember reading this a long time ago and falling in love with it (and you) way back when.
Phil is right. You should write again. I want to see something new from you (hint, hint).
It’s true – we both get bogged down with the day-to-day mundane. It takes over your life if you let it. I suppose that is why I’ve been thinking about reviving SpiralDance – it would be nice to have an artistic/creative outlet. And I adore you, too. :)
Awwww….thank you. :) By the way, I was just looking at our pictures the other day, in one of the photo albums: pics of you, and Rach, in the Ashland house, a card from a bouquet. When are you guys going to start planning a visit? I miss you, damn it.
Until then…I’ll start writing again if you will. So there…neener, neener. ;)
I miss you, too!
We’ve got a few big projects and expenses that we’ve got to take care of before we can start planning a visit. Our homeowners’ insurance was cancelled (twice) due to the condition of the roof and the peeling paint on the house and garage. So, to pay for part of that we sold the car.
The new roof is supposed to go on the house the first week of September. We’re going to have to save for the roof on the garage and do it ourselves. In addition, the whole exterior has to be painted so that we can get a real homeowners’ policy again to replace the shit coverage (no liability) that I’m signing up for and having to pay for in full today.
And then there is the credit card debt and income tax from last year.
I am slowly but surely working on how to get all of these things done so that we can start enjoying life again, taking trips, etc., but it’s going to take some amount of time. I have a long term plan in place and the way it looks now it’ll be about 2 years.
I know that sounds like a long time now, but in the big scheme of things it’s really not. If I can just keep everyone’s moral up during this process, and we don’t kill each other, it’ll all work out ;).