I haven’t posted lately, as I’ve been a bit blue, and also tired from not sleeping. That is usually how stress manifests itself; I just stop sleeping. Last night I went to bed around midnight, and was wide awake by two. Got up, read and drank a lot of vodka in an attempt to force myself to sleep. Went back to bed at 5:30 or so, and was up again by 7:30. Sooooo groggy and out of it this morning.
As I was walking through the pitch-dark house last night, I remembered how uncomfortable it was to walk through our last house, which we (and the lady we rented from) firmly believed was haunted. Nothing scary or threatening, just a definite presence, things disappearing and then returning in places like the centre of the dining room table, or on one of the kitchen counters. Both Phil and I would catch sight of someone walking out of the corner of our eye, when no one was there, and we could hear voices. There was also the occasional smell of pipe smoke, but I never sensed a male presence. Her memories of him, perhaps? Who knows? (When I say sensed, you have to understand that I am head-blind. I am the least psychically sensitive person that you could ever meet. So it was very strong for me to be able to see/hear her.) Anyway, even though she was non-threatening, I still never wanted to walk through the house in the dark. ;)
I finally broke down and paid for arena time for three days. It’s the only way that I’m going to make any headway on starting Kip. He was a total butthead yesterday, by the way. There is a mare in the neighboring pasture that has the hots for him, and is always slutting around by the fence. I went out to bring him back in, and he was very excited and barge-y, pushing into me as I tried to lead him. I was using my free hand to try to define some space, as a signal to step back away from me, swinging the end of the lead rope a bit, and he tried to turn into me and accidentally got popped in the eye. I felt so miserably bad; his eye was starting to swell and watering. It was one of those days. Miserable cold, as well, and all of the lanes around the barn were lethal with frost.
No resolutions, as I said. Only a very firm desire for the coming year to be better.