I feel as though I’ve been “away” for ages. ;) There hasn’t been time or energy lately to even touch mail or LJ, so if I’ve been out of touch, I apologise.

Well, the soft launch has gone positively marshmallow, due to ongoing problems. Some are due to the crappy software, some due to my boss’ (bosses’?) panicked last-minute changes, some of it is due to just general fuckups and fate.

I have to go to New York this month for discussions on the launch of the US site. I told my boss that I wanted to combine that with my trip to visit my family, and go from NY to California, then home. He got very sniffy and said “I don’t think this is a good time for you to be gone right now – I need you on board right now.” I lost it. I pulled him to one side of the meeting we were in and reminded that I’ve put this trip off for months and months, my mother is very ill, and then I told him about my daughter’s recent problems and said that one way or another, whatever it took, I was going. Then I started to cry. I hate that I cannot have this kind of confrontation with someone without getting overemotional. I’m fine as long as it’s on a purely professional level, but having to discuss personal problems with a virtual stranger does me in. Anyway, he was contrite (for him, anyway – he’s not the fuzziest of people), and said that yes, I could take maybe five days to go to California, but then I would have to go back to finish things up in NY. And I would have to take a laptop and be available. Jesus.

Phil and I barely talk; he’s busy with his own plans, and I feel hurt and lonely. Part of it is stress, yes, but there is something else. I suppose this time that I will be gone will sort things out…it’s just sad that we’ve come to this place in our relationship.

Well, I’m off to get dressed. Normally by now I would be on the road so I could be at work at seven am, but I’m taking the car in finally to have the brakes done. Crashing into a stone wall would solve all of the problems, yes, but it’s not an optimal way of doing so. ;)

On a happier note, it’s been actually HOT here. I love it. Some day I’ll live in Portugal or somewhere hot and sunny. I’m suited for that kind of weather. *sigh* Oh, visions of beaches and cool drinks…soon. :)

5 thoughts on “Marshmallow”

  1. wandringsoul

    It’s sad that I have to read about your confrontation with your boss in your blog…that you won’t talk to me lately. No – I’m NOT busy with my own plans – I keep telling you over and over that I don’t have plans, don’t have anyone else…I don’t know how to defend myself any harder against this mythical plot I’m supposed to have.

    I KNOW you have been stressed to the extreme with your job, and I’ve been trying, whenever I can to support you, cook for you, take care of things where possible…but you’re so stressed and tense that when you come home you just want time by yourself to chill, then I make tea, we eat it and you crash out with a book and fall asleep.

    I AM here for you, if only you’d let me…I love you.

  2. *sends you lots of big hugs*
    *sends a stick to shove the marshmallow-y launch onto and toast it well over a campfire*
    *sends a rope and ties you and Phil’s wrists together so you have to hug and talk and not worry about anything else for hours*
    *sends you another Purr hug*

  3. *hugs* Wish there was more I could do hon.. We’re here for you if you need us.. sorry your trip home will be so short..

  4. Monica: Phil and I barely talk;

    Phil: … you won’t talk to me lately.

    It’s obvious to me that the two of you love each other so very much – you’ve been through a great deal during the span of your relationship and you’ve managed to stay together in spite of those problems. Neither of you has been willing to let the other go and that speaks to my heart in a huge way.

    From where I’m sitting, what I see and have seen for a while now, is an ongoing issue with communication that unfortunately isn’t going to magically resolve itself. The same old arguements/feelings/disappointments keep rearing their ugly heads. I truly think that you both want to do whatever you can to make this relationship everything you both want and need it to be. Perhaps you both could benefit from learning some new communication skills and problem solving techniques – ways to keep from going round and round in viscious circles as we all tend to do when we argue with the ones we love ;). Marriage/Relationship counseling exists because relationships/marriages are as complex as the people involved. And sometimes even the most intelligent and capable people still need a hand.

    J& I have had some difficulty adjusting to married life too, in particular with parenting issues but other things as well, and we’ve promised each other that if communication breaks down to a level that threatens the health of our relationship that we’ll do whatever it takes to work things out, no matter how uncomfortable or expensive it might be.

    Please talk to each other. What you two have is beautiful, and amazing, and so very rare. Know that I’m thinking of you and wishing you both a lifetime of joy together.

  5. wandringsoul

    “What you two have is beautiful, and amazing, and so very rare. Know that I’m thinking of you and wishing you both a lifetime of joy together.”

    I agree 100% with your eloquence!

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