I’ve been releasing anger on the battlegrounds. At the end of it, covered in blood and exhausted, I can finally find peace…for a while. I suppose, given what my life has been, I can’t be faulted for being filled with anger, but I don’t want to live that way.
Please, Elune, grant me peace. Let me find acceptance in my soul, if not forgiveness, and let me move on.
Last night I went to my small rented room in the dwarf city, dropped my mail and weapons, and sank into a chair by the window with a glass of that very potent dwarven spirit (they do alcohol quite well, give them credit for that). I stroked Ennui gently, scratching behind the ears in that spot that he loves, and tried to clear my mind. It was hours, and almost a full bottle, before I could finally sleep.
I can’t give it up yet…when I think about all of the wasted years, I am filled with anger and bloodlust. I want to kill every Orc that I see, I want to kill and kill, to bathe myself in blood until I finally have had enough.
I was just a girl. I had a life, and I had someone who loved me. And then it was all torn away. And I can’t let that go.