Killer Reindeer

Snip from Barry Beelzebub regarding health and safety officials in East Yorkshire who are threatening to ban the traditional Christmas parade of Santa and his sleigh in case “onlookers brush against the reindeer and pick up an infection.”

IN THE mean streets where I grew up, we didn’t have many reindeer.

Whippets, three-legged lurchers with a squint, foul-smelling ferrets and the occasional peregrine falcon living in someone’s airing cupboard, but no reindeer. Which must explain why we grew up so healthy.

We survived cots covered in lead paint, aspirin bottles without childproof lids, water that came out of a tap rather than a bottle, no seat belts in cars, walking home alone from school in the dark, riding bikes without wearing helmets, climbing trees and laughing at the strange man in the park when he offered to show us some puppies he had hidden in the bushes. But we were healthy.

Of course we had help. There was the polio vaccine they distributed on sugar lumps at school, the BCG injection that left a generation literally scarred and if you didn’t wear a smog mask to school you had to spend a week in an iron lung. But we were healthy. And that’s because we didn’t have reindeer.

lol…for real killer animals, you need to look at squirrels.

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