“Face like a smacked arse” – angry/sullen/ugly, like a spanked child that gets all red in the face from screaming.
“Pissed as a fart” – very drunk. I’ve written about this one before.
“At least they won’t spoil another couple” – they’re both ugly, but at least they are together and so won’t be with a different, better-looking person. (via Phil’s grandmother!)
“Off with the fairies” – someone who’s not all there.
“A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp” – ugly. I originally thought Phil made this one up.
No work today for Kip – he has a very ouchy back, a combination of our long ride yesterday, and my GP saddle that he’s recently grown too wide for. :(