Phil and I have been married for twelve years today, which seems impossible. Didn’t we just meet a few years ago?
The song above was the one that we’d chosen to be sung at our wedding. We got married in a park, underneath an enormous tree, by a justice of the peace who arrived riding a Harley. I wore an antique lace dress with a pair of sparkly ruby slippers and our family and friends were there to share the day with us. Our friends Steve and Ellie sang a bluesy rock version of the Trisha Yearwood song “Down On My Knees” (I so don’t do country!) and it was perfect.
Why was this song important? It has to do with remembering what is important in life.
Everyone has a sin and if you know yourself at all, you know damn well what that sin is. Mine are Pride and Anger. I have my father’s temper, that bloody dark-red haze that descends to fill the mind. that berserker rage. In me it is paired with Pride for a truly devastating combination: if I feel that I have been hurt I can destroy my entire life, the people that I love and everything that I have built up, just to watch it all burn. I’ve done it to relationships and careers and the regret on the day after can’t fix it and can’t undo it – but lord does it feel good at the time.
The song is also about realising what is unimportant; we all get caught up in work and plans and all the things that seem to be important until you look around and realise that while you were on that daily treadmill you lost the things that really mattered to you. Without the people that you love, what are you really working towards?
So that was the promise that I wanted to make. I’ll never forget you, I’ll always put you first. If I am angry I’ll try to keep it under control and remember that we are the most important thing. Getting down on my knees isn’t easy for me, but I will let that pride go and do anything that I can to keep things right between us.
I learned to be strong a long time ago
And I can face any wind no matter how hard it blows
But I’d have to be stronger than I want to be
If I had to live without you loving me