Happy Holidays to you all, best wishes and kisses to everyone back home. I think I’m going to take some time to reconsider everything, and start over: new years, new lives, and changes for the better.

I’ve made the big step, which was quitting my job and stepping off the precipice like The Fool…a damned fool, yeah, I know already. But it had to be done. Aside from the obvious step of finding another/better job, I need some time to start changing some of the things that have made me so depressed. Due to the unending stress of being in this hellhole every day, I’ve gotten sick, partially because an autoimmune disease like lupus responds very poorly to stress, and partially because I’ve been trying to combat stress and loneliness with too much food and alcohol. (I’m still wearing the same clothing, but everything looks like shit and I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin.) I want to be healthy, and I want to not be by myself as much as I have been in the past couple of years. I want to get Lizzie sound again, so that we can both start competing and she won’t be such a huge waste of money and resources. I want to feel creative again, and I want to work someplace that values my experience, skill and knowledge.

Basically, I suppose, I just want to believe in myself again. My self-confidence is at an alltime low: physical confidence, personal confidence, professional confidence. This journal is the only place that I have to “talk” about things, because I tend to put on a happy face and not whine and worry people back home. I never used it as one of those friends-only/stroke me/{{hugz}}/circle jerk blogs, but I need to be more outward-facing. It’s sad to only communicate to the world via words, and I know I need to change that.

Merry Christmas to us all…see you in the new year. Bright blessings on you all.

3 thoughts on “Hiatus”

  1. Periods like this are necessary and a demand for us to stop and take stock, of where we are headed and where we are at present.

    Positive or not, I find you an interesting read, and am with you all the way, quitting that job was just the catalyst.

  2. *hugs* Well you know I’m here for you regardless if your blog is happy, sad or otherwise…

  3. dryadmeagenn

    Sometimes you just have to wipe the slate clean and start over. I wish you the best of luck and fortune–may your Fool find her wings and FLY!

    Now, go get yourself a nice piece of *good* chocolate, and treat yourself to a hot bubblebath with your favorite book. Take the Holidays and enjoy them–the stresses of the outside world will keep for a couple weeks.

    And do keep us posted. :) I may have never met you in person, but I do find you interesting and very likable!

    Hmm, it’s cool enough now to not melt chocolate in the mail–are you still interested in trying that really dark Organic chocolate I told you about?

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