Can’t concentrate, so I was flipping through Jo’s book of tranquility-inducing quotes, and found this one:
Carry a Notebook
Two of the most powerful tools for overcoming the stresses of a busy life are a pen and notepad. Write down your worries and watch them diminish. Write down what you are going to acheive in your day, and watch your tasks fall into order.
Really. Seems quite simplistic, but I suppose that is how I use this blog on occasion (yeah, yeah, like now). It helps to release some of the anger/pain/whatever when you are feeling overwhelmed. A bit of a cry in the dark, but sometimes that is all we can do. Ok, so let me write down my worries:
1) I have no passport right now – the Home Office is deciding on my Indefinite Leave to Remain. I couldn’t go home even if I wanted to.
2) I’ll be totally fucked if I do go home – we burned our bridges on the way here, since I had just bought a new Honda, and I had to turn it back into the dealership, so it counts as a repossession. My credit is gone.
3) I have no money. With all of the expenses of buying the house, buying all the furniture and appliances, etc., we are flat broke. I mean seriously broke. Had I the money, I would have moved out by now.
4) The mortgage and everything is in my name – what do I do about that? Jesus, what a mess.
5) It’s not like we can just sit tight and wait a bit…I have to decide what to do now. This isn’t a person who is talking to me, understand…he decided what he wanted, and he was GONE. When he’s there, he won’t talk to me. He’ll sit there silently if I try to talk to him, but then he’s back at the PS2 or whatever. It’s like talking to a wall. I can’t live like that. Nor do I want to go back to living like I did when he was bringing Kristen home for nooners at lunchtime. Not an option…I am NOT living through that again.
This isn’t helping…no handy solutions are springing to mind. The only thought that keeps running through my mind over and over again is that I am totally screwed.