From “The Little Book of Calm at Work”

Can’t concentrate, so I was flipping through Jo’s book of tranquility-inducing quotes, and found this one:

Carry a Notebook

Two of the most powerful tools for overcoming the stresses of a busy life are a pen and notepad. Write down your worries and watch them diminish. Write down what you are going to acheive in your day, and watch your tasks fall into order.

Really. Seems quite simplistic, but I suppose that is how I use this blog on occasion (yeah, yeah, like now). It helps to release some of the anger/pain/whatever when you are feeling overwhelmed. A bit of a cry in the dark, but sometimes that is all we can do. Ok, so let me write down my worries:

1) I have no passport right now – the Home Office is deciding on my Indefinite Leave to Remain. I couldn’t go home even if I wanted to.

2) I’ll be totally fucked if I do go home – we burned our bridges on the way here, since I had just bought a new Honda, and I had to turn it back into the dealership, so it counts as a repossession. My credit is gone.

3) I have no money. With all of the expenses of buying the house, buying all the furniture and appliances, etc., we are flat broke. I mean seriously broke. Had I the money, I would have moved out by now.

4) The mortgage and everything is in my name – what do I do about that? Jesus, what a mess.

5) It’s not like we can just sit tight and wait a bit…I have to decide what to do now. This isn’t a person who is talking to me, understand…he decided what he wanted, and he was GONE. When he’s there, he won’t talk to me. He’ll sit there silently if I try to talk to him, but then he’s back at the PS2 or whatever. It’s like talking to a wall. I can’t live like that. Nor do I want to go back to living like I did when he was bringing Kristen home for nooners at lunchtime. Not an option…I am NOT living through that again.

This isn’t helping…no handy solutions are springing to mind. The only thought that keeps running through my mind over and over again is that I am totally screwed.

2 thoughts on “From “The Little Book of Calm at Work””

  1. levanah_vervain

    I have no idea how much help they would be to you, but the Citizens Advice Bureau would at the very least be able to advise you of who to talk to about all this.

    If the mortgage etc is in your name, at least that means you definitely have a roof over your head which is a plus point.

    Can your daughter not help you at all, or is she too far away? By the way, I love her name, Morgaine, it’s beautiful.

    There will be a way through all this for you, it’s just difficult to see. My uncle did similar to my aunt approx 3 years ago – at the time everything was a mess (and she had 3 kids at home too), but now things are ok, and she’s happier overall.

    The main thing is to find out who you can talk to for practical and sympathetic advice about everything, and I’d guess the CAB is the best starting point.

  2. I know there will be a way through at the end, it’s just such a mess right now. Normally going to something like the CAB would be a good idea, but as Phil recently pointed out, if we’re no longer together, then my visa is no longer valid, and I would have to go home. Things are very tough right now, and work visas (except for research scientists or doctors or whatever) are nonexistent. As for Morgaine, she’s wonderful, but she’s very far away and I try not to upset her. I’ll tell her once I’m calm.

    I know it will work out. And I should just try to maintain and just, I don’t know, ignore him or section off the house into his and hers areas or something stupid. ;)

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