Freelance Angst


I just answered the door in sweats and pink fuzzy socks, with a dish towel over one shoulder because I’d been washing lunch dishes. I have a feeling that my hair was tangled, as I don’t remember brushing it this morning, but I’m afraid to look. I signed for the packages (hurrah for holiday consumerism) and then realised how I must have looked: like a housewife. Like someone who doesn’t get up and go to a damn job every day.

I mean, I actually do. I have a freelance business that, while it definitely doesn’t keep us in champagne and whatever weird things people more affluent than I eat, still brings in some money. I work twelve-hour days, I work weekends. I still feel guilty. Isn’t that odd?

I’ve been the breadwinner most of my adult life, and I’ve held some relatively highpowered jobs. I managed projects worth millions and large teams of people. I held videoconference meetings with people all over the world. I was on the board of directors for a social media startup. I dressed like a grown-up in suits and skirts and heels. Sometimes I even wore pantyhose.

I try to remind myself that I am not my mother. Even if I work from home I still have a job and the services that I provide are valuable. I have a mind…even if there is no one but the cats to talk to during the day.

Yep, me and my bunny socks. Working away.



4 thoughts on “Freelance Angst”

  1. It’s weird the tricks our mind plays on us when its trying to parse what other people might think about us.

    And really, PJs and slippers is one of the key job perks of being self-employed … and the delivery guy was probably jealous.

  2. I know, I just feel kind of sloppy and invisible sometimes. But I would really hate going back to a corporate environment, it is true. :)

  3. I feel your pain! When guilt comes, I try to replace it with gratefulness. No matter how much or how little we earn, there’s something amazingly satisfying about living life every day doing what we love each day. Best to you! Your cover art is wonderful!!!

  4. Thank you so much, Michelle! And that is a good point…I used to dream about being able to work from home doing something that I really love. :)

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *