Faking It

No, not that kind of faking it.

Does anyone ever really feel like a grown-up? Or do you ever feel as though you’re still a kid, masquerading in a grown-up’s world? I very much felt like that yesterday: sitting in meetings with the suits and techie wizards from the e-commerce solution company, setting out project timelines, agreeing to things that will affect a very old, prestigious company without an outward qualm. Does anyone ever feel totally in control? Sometimes I feel like a little girl playing dressup, wearing her mother’s suit and pearls. (Not that my mother had suits – she was a stay-at-home mom. But you know what I mean.)

The timelines until go-live date are VERY tight. There is no normal 20% padding for unforseen glitches. And I need to complete my part, the database of product info, content, and images for import, and all of the multitude of JSP templates for all of the pages, in shorter time than allowed to give some extra time to areas where we will probably experience glitches. Yikes!

On the other hand, I got my first payslip, as I mentioned. Not only was it for a full month, rather than the two weeks that I had actually been there, but it was for more money. Either they made a mistake, or I am being paid more than agreed. Either way, it works for me. At least until we pay off a few things. ;)

I’m off…

11 thoughts on “Faking It”

  1. Oh, I *definitely* know what you mean. I’ve felt that way quite often, particularly when I was in the “rat race” back in the States.

    I don’t envy you with those tight deadlines, particularly with JSP templates. God knows those things can have the weirdest quirks.

  2. Or do you ever feel as though you’re still a kid, masquerading in a grown-up’s world?

    Yes, is the short answer. When I was a kid I felt very mature for my years and generally preferred the company of adults. Now I tend to find adults quite restrictive and boring in their thinking. Children are often much more honest and much more fresh in their observational thinking. One of the big reasons why I wanted a career change was because I couldn’t stand the stuffy corporate office culture any more. Perhaps I’ve traded it in for another stuffy career path but I think there’s a lot more scope for doing what I really want now.

    I wonder if so many people are bright-eyed and bushy tailed and it’s just the daily 9-5 office grind that sucks the life out of them.

  3. wandringsoul

    Yep – I think that most of us would be entirely more bright eyed and bushy tailed if we had the freedom to enjoy our days rather than being enslaved…

  4. I still can’t cope with being called Mr. Scott – I supress the urge to look over my shoulder to say hi to my dad who has obviously just walked into the room behind me. I’m nearly 35, and that still doesn’t feel right.

  5. Good, I’m glad that no one else feels like an appropriate in-charge person, either. :) I suppose everyone fakes it to some extent. I felt this way as a parent, and also on the job.

    I never intended on growing up to be a suit…


  6. The weirdest thing about me looking into property, mortgages AND running my own business is the whole ‘grown up’ thing. I’ve been out of college for 3 years now (and did the 6 year double major plan so was older than most already) and yet (ESPECIALLY when I think of what my mother would criticize) I still get flashes of feeling like I’m faking it. I’m not really doing this.

    For all that I’ve been paying my own bills for years, bought my own car 100% (vs. the last one which was a high school grad gift), pay for everything else including the horses, and basically handle every aspect of my life (cleaning, taxes, cooking, you name it) myself …. I STILL feel like I’m not really here at times. Like I’ll turn around and find out that I’m still only 16 yrs old and just waiting to grow up and watching the ‘grown ups’ go about their lives.

    Fortunately I only get flashes of that, and less and less frequently but I still get them.


    On a tangent it was a weird revelation a few years ago when it finally occurred to be that there is no ‘adult’ phase and that ‘adults’ don’t really always have a clue. That they are just as confused as we were as teenagers at times. Heck, that some adults NEVER grow up and keep the maturity levels of 12 yrs old and depend upon their husband/wife/brother/sister/mother to keep them going.

    As a kid, I simply could not see it. I mean, I knew some people were f*cked up, but at the same time I always felt there was this ‘adulthood’ you hit where it was just so supremely DIFFERENT.

    At least that’s how I see it. Granted I was a rather precocious child and mature teenager, but I think the secret to adulthood is simply acting like you have a right to be doing the things you are doing — making company decisions, raising kids, whatever it is.

    Opps.. that got rather long.

  7. Sometimes I feel like a grown-up but not very often. Not very often enough, anyway.

    Paychecks are good :)

  8. I was thinking the same thing the other day. I think about that quite a bit. It’s hard to think of myself as an adult. I haven’t been an adult (independant of my parents) for very long so it still feels wierd.
    There are a lot things that I miss about being a child but I wouldn’t trade this freedom for anything. :)
    We’ll always be kids at heart though, my dear. ;)

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