I’ve spent the weekend (on and off – amongst other things) working on new images. It’s crap at first, as always when you set something aside for years; but I can feel that I’m getting back into a productive phase.
Phil and I NOT good, unfortunately, despite trying to keep out of each other’s way. Are two people ever in the same relationship, at the same time? There were times when I remember being very happy with him, only to find something way after the fact that indicates that he was running around the office with his dick in his hand at the time. Sorry, a bit graphic, but it jsut seems to suit. Obviously HE wasn’t happy…so was I living a fantasy of my own making? Obviously I was. So, how can you trust anything? It’s one thing to be in the situation that we are now, where it’s all been destroyed and we’re just picking through the rubble. But what about the happy times that you find out actually weren’t? Can I trust my judgement again? Can I risk caring for someone who might turn out to be this sexual secret agent, chasing anything that moves and pretending to be loving at home? How can you trust what people do, and say?
I hate feeling so stupid. Fool me once, shame on you, as the saying goes. Fool me a couple of dozen times, and I should put a gun to my head, because obviously I am too stupid to be allowed out on my own.