Down in the Pit

I lied when I said that I was going back to “normal life.” I worked an almost thirteen hour day yesterday, without a lunch break. I wasn’t working on coding for the bulk of the day, either. I was working on a powerpoint presentation for my boss. Changing a word here and there, and redoing all the graphics. Changing the font, and redoing all the graphics. Switching out the tiny little thumbnails on screenshots of the new site, and redoing the graphics. When I left, I didn’t get a thank you or a kiss-my-ass. Nothing. I’ve been up all night last night, with terminal insomnia.

This was compounded by a terrible letter from my daughter. She had said earlier that she missed calling me on Mother’s Day because she was sick. Yesterday she finally admitted that she wasn’t sick, she had been in the hospital after a suicide attempt. I feel like breaking into tears again as I write this.

I need to go home. I need to get away from this fucking awful situation here and just go home. My mother is very ill, and my daughter needs me. I am trying to decide what I should do…I can’t afford to quit, which is what leaving a project like this midstream would entail. But family comes first.

13 thoughts on “Down in the Pit”

  1. i’m sorry to hear about your daughter… i happen to have come upon your journal by chance… or sheer luck. i think you are an awesome artist. i saw your website. all your pictures and pieces were absolutely graceful. and then i read a few entries and wow… personally, i think that you are very talented in several areas and that you could get another job if you really wanted to. i hope the women in your life get better.

  2. mercury_realm

    God-I’m so sorry to hear about this hon’. You need to talk to a supervisor or something,and if you don’t get some form of compassionate leave during this time, then I don’t believe thats any kind of company you want or need to work for.
    I hope it all comes together for you, but like you said, it is family.

  3. First off * big hugs* I hope you have support for yourself through all of this. Most companies offer some form of compassionate leave, if not surely you can come to some sort of arrangemnet, maybe do some remote working for them? with the time difference between here and the US you might be able to fit in a few hours a day. Hopefully you will find some sort of compromise.

  4. Family Comes First

    no question about it. Jobs are always temporary things, they change, you adapt. But families are not temporary, the relationships may change or adapt byt the fact of family doesn’t. If your job doesn’t accept that then it is not a good job, and the fact that your family is a bit further away than some other people’s families is not the issue here. If they need you you should go.


  5. *hugs* We’re here if you need us dear.. and I’ll send all the positive vibes towards you and your family that I can…

  6. Thanks, all. I feel calmer now, and am thinking more clearly. I could, of course, normally get compassionate leave, but the problems of bringing a very large site to a specified go-live date are immense. If I walked out now, it would bring the project to a halt…not good, when so very much money is at stake. But family does come first. I’m waiting for all my spam to download right now, so I can wade through it and see what my daughter wants to do. Does she want to come here for a bit? Is it something as simple as needing some money to solve some of these seemly insurmountable problems? I don’t know – I’ll have to see.

  7. Just got her mail. She’s feeling better, and the money to help her right now would be eternally appreciated and paid back as soon as she gets a job. ;) It’s okay – it’s nice to have problems that I can fix, and money is a very easy fix. At least she sounds much better.

  8. Mon… just a thought, but Morgaine & Josh were pretty close at one time and I know he still is very fond of her and his past counseling experience is still very much a part of who he is.

    When I told him about your post yesterday he was very concerned and a bit upset that he didn’t know how to reach her. If it’s alright with Morgaine, can we get her number and email?

    *more hugs*

  9. P.S. I’m thinking it might help if she knows there are other people who care about her, too.

  10. Thank you very much. I don’t think she wants anyone to know, but she probably does need someone to talk to. I’ll give you her email addy, and maybe you or J. could just drop her a line to say hi? If she wants to talk, then she knows that you are there if she needs to. I think it would do her a world of good to be able to reach out to you if she is ever in that frame of mind again – it’s tough talking to your parents sometimes.

  11. That would be great – please do. I know J would like to at least drop her a line and let her know he thinks about her and that she has friends here.

    Anything we can do, you know we will.


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