Cold Wintry Day

Depressed today. It’s partially because of the weather, I know, which has been miserably cold although it hasn’t snowed yet.

I stayed home sick on Friday, and got a message on my mobile from the HR department that the evil cow who has been put in charge of the web team made an official complaint about it. Evil cunt. I don’t use that word lightly, as it is my least favourite word in the entire world…but sometimes it fits. On Thursday I did fourteen email campaigns, KILLED myself to do it while sick with the massive headache/chest pains that I’d had all week, and to have her make an official complaint really pisses me off. Legally she can’t use overt abuse to make my last weeks there miserable, but it’s not going to be fun. Then again, if it’s going to be like this I suppose I won’t kill myself over the massive amount of work that there always is for a too-small team to do.

We haven’t seen Goblet of Fire yet, which I’ve been eagerly awaiting for ages, partially because most showings are sold out in advance and partially because I’ve been too damned depressed.

Lizzie’s problems continue, and I will have to call the vet on Monday again for advice. I’ve been trying to bring her into work again, slowly and carefully at walk with short bits of trot work, keeping her working very relaxed and stretched down, but she pants and starts to sweat at the slightest work. She’s not coughing, so it doesn’t seem to be related to COPD or other respiratory problems, she doesn’t appear to have a virus. I had a friend at the stable who is a doctor listen to her heart with a stethoscope, and it doesn’t seem like a pulmonary problem. What the hell is it? She should be able, after the tying up episode several weeks ago, at least walk around the arena without panting.

I’m very tempted, at this point, to just find a good home for her. Depending on what the vet says, I’ll either give her to a good home as a companion horse or broodmare, with the condition that they not ride her or sell her on, or if she can eventually be brough back into work, perhaps I can find a home where someone will take her on with the understanding that she needs a strict management routine and that she will require veterinary care.

Sometimes throwing money at a problem doesn’t fix it. Sometimes you just have to say “I am tired of being a non-riding horse owner, I can’t afford this financially or emotionally.” So distressing…she has such potential, and we really clicked together. We’ll see what the vet says.

I’m not looking forward to work on Monday. And I hope that the second interview I had results in an offer, because it is going to be virtually impossible for me to go to any other interviews, although there has been a lot of interest in my CV. The drive is horrendous, though, and I’ll have to spend two hours a day on very dangerous roads in winter…I am not sure about the commute at all.

Everything seems to be turning to poo…