Changes small and large

The trouble with being so dissatisfied with your life is that you assume that you need to make huge changes in order to not hate your world anymore. Big changes seem overwhelming and impossible (although you may occasionally jump over the edge and actually make them, like quitting a job or moving to another country), so you tend to not make them at all. Small changes, however, are easier to do and can have results that go quite deep to change your life in subtle ways.

Ok, so I’ve made a huge step in quitting my job without actually having another one in line. The realisation of what I’ve done still panics me when I think about it. So let’s disregard that for the moment…it’s too big and scary.

Mid next week, I’ll be out of here, and the holidays are coming. Phil will be on holiday until the new year. I’m going to try to have some “us” time if I can wrest him from Warcraft, but aside from that, I want to spend some effort liking myself and my life a lot more. And so, a list of things that I plan to do over the holidays:

1. Try to get Lizzie healthy again. I need to somehow find the cash to have the vet come out, but I am also going to do as much roadwork as she can handle, to try to slowly increase her overall fitness. I’ve been handwalking her out on the weekends, since she tends to passage sideways if I ride her out…too much to handle without other horses to give her confidence. But we’ll go a bit farther every day.

2. Finally work on my damn site, which is still in a very embarrassing barebones state and is probably not enhancing my job prospects. I’m just too stressed now to do any computer-related work when I get home.

3. Get the house in order. I need to (finally!) finish plastering the front hallway so that I can paint it, and then I can strip and re-finish the floor. The front room, which is now the Giant Rat Room, needs to be cleaned and re-organised so that it is more usable for something aside from just housing large, vicious rodents. Ungrateful bastards that they are.

4. I want to get fit again, too. I need to get the multigym set up, and I need to start walking. Sitting at a computer all day, then coming home, mixing a stiff drink or two, and collapsing is terribly unhealthy. Once I’m not under so much stress, I’ll have more energy.

5. Again, once I can think about anything other than this hateful place, I want to start doing more artwork and writing, actually working on the creative projects that come to me, rather than just putting it on a back burner in my mind until I have the energy to do something about it…which tends to be never.

It’s definitely too early for New Years resolutions…that’s the kiss of death, anyway. As soon as I call something a resolution, that means that I’ll for sure never do it. These are small steps, just things on the To Do list…nothing scary, nothing hard.