I hereby resolve to be better. Not a better person; that is probably impossible, or at least highly improbable and not much fun. I will try to be better at all the things I need to do day to day, week to week.
1. I won’t put so much of me into my job. The job is a black hole that sucks my life and my energy away and demands more. There will never be enough of me to go around.
2. I will spend more energy on myself and my family. That means finding the energy at the end of a crap day to work out, not drinking so much, and spending more time with Phil. Quality time, I mean, not a discussion about what a crap day I had followed by a quick meal and falling asleep on the sofa.
3. I am going to put some effort into building skills that I can translate into a new career. I need to put some effort into php coding and MySQL skills. I want to see if I can build a side business with the equine video stuff that I’ve been doing.
4. I need to go back to my art. A big part of me is missing.
5. I’ll try to be better at keeping up my LJ!
This weekend has been hot, although we’re expecting another storm like we had last week. That was horrible. Visibility while driving was nil, the sky was black at 5:30, and the close lightning strikes were terrifying all the horses.
My birthday was good. Last night we went out for a very good meal (rare sirloin in a HOT garlic/chili pepper sauce, excellent – you know it’s good when your eyes are streaming and your nose is running), and today we had a pub lunch with Julian and Karen, and then I took them out to see Kip. He showed off his best (worst) “Kipper face,” the really fierce one that he uses when the feed bucket appears. You’d think he was a man-killer. Hard to believe it’s the same horse who was cowering in the back corner of his stall, terrified to death by the storm.
I don’t mind getting older. I just want to be in better shape. I’m at the age where the body no longer maintains itself, but must be whipped into shape by strict exercise and diet. How boring. :(
Ageing is strange. It’s rather like being in a serious car accident, and having to look in the mirror and say “but this isn’t me. This isn’t how I should look.” Except if you had been in a car accident, everyone would be very sympathetic – when you start showing signs of ageing, people act almost as if it’s your fault. It’s like becoming a non-person. I suppose that doesn’t make any sense.
I’m having a jumping lesson this Wednesday. More about that later…it’s about facing fears and doing something that has come to terrify me to tears, for no reason.
My goal? I want to get over my paralysing, totally unfounded fear of jumping and compete in a one-day horse trial by next year. Cross-country jumping, ditches, water jumps, the works.
The thought makes me feel like vomiting.